Disadvantages of being a Saikorian

Every time something funny happens in my life I would like to share it with my friends. And who else do I have other than you all.

These Americans are a horrible race. They invade countries with their armies or their culture. Their marketing culture has crept into our cities. One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does to most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.

I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from a sweet voice from ICICI bank and it went something like this:

ME:      Hello
ICICI:   Hello, sir, I am calling from ICICI...
ME:      ICICI?
ICICI:   Yes, this is ICICI...
ME:      This is ICICI Bank?

ICICI:   Yes this is ICICI...
ME:      You are calling from ICICI?
ICICI:   YES! This is ICICI; Am I speaking to Mr.Ravi please?
ME:      May I ask who is calling?
ICICI:   This is ICICI.
ME:      How can a bank have such sweet voice? OK, hold on, I'll be back soon.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this sweet voice would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

ME:      Hello?
ICICI:   Is this Mr. Ravi?
ME:      May I ask who is calling please?
ICICI:   This is ICICI...
ME:      Is this ICICI Bank?
ICICI:   Yes sir, this is ICICI...
ME:      This is ICICI? But who is calling?

She was avoiding telling me her name.  

ICICI:   Yes, is this Mr.Ravi?
ME:      Yes, is this ICICI?
ICICI:   Yes sir.
ME:      The Banking people?
ICICI:   Yes sir.
ME:      I thought you said this was ICICI.
ICICI:   Yes sir, the biggest private bank in India.
ME:      Sorry, but I already have a Bank account.
ICICI:   We aren't offering Bank accounts today Mr. Ravi.
ME:      Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested and thanks for calling. 

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent. She was telling me of a survey made in our town and that I was specially selected for this scheme. 

ICICI:   Mr. Ravi we would like to offer you money at 6% a year.

ME:      WOW! That’s great, great……6% of what?

ICICI:   6% of the out standings you have. 

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "loan" at 6% interest, but she at no time used the word loan. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little calculation.  

ME:      WOW!  Now, that's 6% of …….?
ICICI:   (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right!  Your out standings diminish every day!
ME:      7 days a week?
ICICI:   That's right.
ME:      365 days a year?
ICICI:   Yes sir.
ME:      I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
ICICI:   We think so!
ME:      That's quite a sum of money!
ICICI:   Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
ME:      OK, so will you send me cheques weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full….. Rs.3,52,560?

ICICI:   Excuse me?
ME:      You know the 6% of my out standings.
ICICI:   What are you talking about, sir?
ME:      Listen, you said you'd give me 6% of my out standings a year. My total debt is Rs. 17,62,800/- That comes to Rs57.95 per day, Rs.405.68 per week and Rs.3,52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. And if you pay me those cheques for the next 5 years I’ll be free of all debt.

ICICI:   Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. YOU pay us 6% per annum.
ME:      Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give ME.? Are you sure this is ICICI?
ICICI:   Well, yes this is ICICI sir but......
ME:      But nothing, YOU said that you would give me 6% per year, and now you are saying I'll have to give you 6%? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me. Why the hell should I give you 6% of my out standings, I just can’t understand. 

I covered the mouth piece and let out a loud laugh.
ICICI:   No sir we are offering 6% for.....
ME:      THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to your Manager please!
ICICI:   Sir I don't think that is necessary.
ME:      Sure! You say that now! First you said that you would give, now you say that I have to pay you. What happens later?
ICICI:   What?
ME:      I insist on speaking to your Manager!
ICICI:  Yes Mr. Ravi. Please hold. 

So now ICICI has me on hold and my dinner is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for the Manager. This sweet voice must have made an animated complaint to the Manager. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Manager: Yes, is it Ravi?

ME        : Yes.

Manager:  813? Gupta House? 

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my shock and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

I was actually talking to a Saikorian. 

Manager:          Hi! I am Chowdary, remember we met at the Golden Jubilee celebrations at School, I was transferred to Vizag recently. 

ME:      Oh! Yes, yes, Chowdary, actually your 6% scheme is terrific and I was terribly interested in your scheme, just send someone to me so that I can signup all the papers immediately.  

So, there are disadvantages too, for being a Saikorian. Now, I don’t need a calculator to say that my total out standings (debt) rose by 2 lakhs.