Corrupt Reservations

Saikorian Correspondent | Oct 10, 2012, 7.23PM IST

NEW DELHI:

A group of MPs headed by someone, who looked suspiciously like Suresh Kalmadi, has demanded that the government provide 50% reservation for the corrupt in Parliament.

It was a hard hitting speech in the Lok Sabha, listened by all the members with great interest and surprisingly no disruption from any quarters. The speaker, Meena Kumari, out of habit said “Bait jhayea” And immediately all the M.Ps rushed to the well and urged that the debate should go on.

"We should also consider giving 33% reservation for women." said the bearded MP.

The leader of the opposition rose and said “Why should only the son-in-law of the Congress president be exempted from frisking at the airports? All the son-in-laws of sitting M.Ps should be exempted.”

For which there were “Hai, Hai” from the opposition and “Nai Nai” from the ruling M.P.s.

The Minister for Law said “To be branded corrupt and be eligible for reservation, the courts should convict the person, so we must bring in a law to speed up the judicial process, make C.B.I an independent body and CAG be given more powers.”

An M.P from Andhra quickly rose to say “The word quid-pro-quo should be banished from the dictionary and anyone having deals by quid-pro-quo and if it pertains to lands must be treated at par with Vinoba Bhave, because both pertain to land donations.”

In a voice choked with emotion an M.P from Tamilnadu said “Are the corrupt not humans, do they not breathe, is it not the same blood that flows in them. Corruption is inevitable, it is as necessary as in, as in……” he looked for a punch phrase. “As necessary as soda in whisky” he summed up.

One zero-loss M.P also took his chance to speak. “Corruption must be made legal. After all, we all know that it generates many new jobs for the jobless, Many land less people, like say Robert Vadra would get lands, many people, will get coal free of cost. Legalizing corruption, is the only way we can put a check to Anna and his team”

Our Finance Minister being a learned man spoke thus: “Several cross-country studies have found that corruption is detrimental to economic growth. By corruption, the entrepreneurs can avoid inefficient policies and regulations. And corruption is inversely proportional to the words spoken by our Prime Minister.”

Some parliamentarians were shocked at this debate. One senior politician told this correspondent on condition of anonymity that the flipside of this bill could mean "The remaining 50% of Parliamentarians may actually be honest, it is impossible to imagine that.” He added "This plan, is a vile, abhorrent idea that should never be allowed. Imagine? Actual, honest politicians! What's next? Prime Ministers who actually speak???"

However, a number of other parliamentarians were in favour of the quota.

In a rare outburst of emotion, Mrs. Gandhi spoke: “A law is being formulated to allow all Swiss bank account holders to carry 6 suitcases weighing not less than 50 Kgs each free of cost and unchecked at all airports in India.”

A loud thumping of desks was heard.

The American intelligence mistook it to be yet another nuclear explosion by India.

Pakistan almost launched its latest missile 'Kasab' as a pre-emptive attack.

China's nuclear submarine, lying in wait in the Bay of Bengal surfaced in Vizag beach adding to the tourist attraction of the city. 

Some MPs and MLAs however, have decided to go on a fast demanding passage of this Bill named ‘Mandatory Corrupt Simians in Parliament’ Act.

The fast is sponsored by a popular multinational food retailer, which, has put up a banner in front of the fasting politicians asking "Hungry Kya?"

Most fasting MPs, when asked this question, refused to comment. One conspiratorially whispered: "Of course, hungry for the money".

Meanwhile, a former CM, Madhu Koda, has decided to provide tuitions in the art of money laundering and corruption. "It's a flourishing art and must be encouraged," he said. Apparently, one of the qualifications for entering the Koda School of Public Honesty is a Swiss bank account. Sources said there is a long waiting list from all parties.

A spokesperson for Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Politicians (SPCP) said: "Have mercy on these corrupt politicians. They were born ugly, they grow up hungry for money, denying then corruption, would eliminate them, and they become extinct. And we shall have no one to rule over us."

Finally, our correspondent came across a common man in the street and asked him if he knew about the new bill to provide reservation for corrupt persons in the Parliament.

“Yes, of course I know that, but it is the most foolish thing they are contemplating.”

“Why?”

“We have already given them 99% reservation in the Parliament, now what they are doing is trying to reduce that. Ha, Ha, Ha”

The common man was seen actually laughing.