Back to Future

It had been a very hectic week. In 5 days, drove a couple of thousand kilometers. Was standing in the open sun for two days, which made my dark skin turn purple, like that of Lord Krishna.  And finally I am home, completely drained physically, mentally, socially and culturally. Every part of my body revolted and refused all orders. Adding to this I receive a message that a fellow Saikorian had passed away prematurely, which made me more philosophical. Vairaagyam, they would say.

 “Whenever I am at that stage and when I presume that I have reached the end, like a true Saikorian, I take that as a great opportunity to start afresh.” – T.Ravi (813)

So, I slump on a sofa and start surfing the TV. Ben-Hur is being shown, what an epic of a movie, but I felt it was very slow. I’ll come back when the horse racing starts, I thought and changed many channels. Finally landed in one that showed a dignified, knowledgeable and elderly sociologist or a psychoanalyst speaking on the virtues of life, how the modern life is being corrupted by the various machines around us. He propounded that modern humans have been objectified and that little by little, the consumer society has been consuming them. I instantly started to believe him. I looked around to find so many machines or instruments, on which I totally rely upon. I got scared and dizzy in my mental process, which cannot be described but can easily imagined. The first thing I did was to turn off the TV and started to think. In that frame of mind I could only think of shunning all appliances around but then I should at least buy a bicycle for my movements. Bicycle is basic machine and it does not fit into these complicated ones around me.

I lift my tired and revolting body and land in Venkat Cycle Stores nearby to buy a new bicycle. Where an attractive young lady with a broad smile received me with a  “Good day sir”

“I am looking for a cycle”

“For your son or daughter sir?”

“For me” I scorned

“We have a wonderful range for you sir, please follow me”

Even though this lady was much younger, she sounded like a teacher speaking to a pupil and was telling me the virtues of a good bicycle.

Finally, I select one cycle, which is the basic form. “I’ll take that” I said.

"That is the best thing you could have done sir. Life has become hopelessly complicated. A bicycle is simple, and even though it is a mechanical device, it entails natural things: fresh air, sunshine and exercise."

I could not agree with her more.

“Please wait in the lounge while we fit the cycle” she led me to an air-conditioned room.

“Sir, don’t you think, you will require an odometer fixed to measure the distances travelled?”

“Yes, it is good idea to have an odometer fixed” I said

“But sir, what is an odometer without a speedometer? It is like a nose without a finger to poke, they complement each other”

I got her pun, and agreed to have that too. She promptly pulled out a writing pad and started to note down.

“Sir, as you know the roads are full of ‘idiots’, they wander on the roads engrossed in their mobiles or they are just absent minded. How about an electric horn?”

“I think I should defer with you, I hate honking of horns” I said with the first signs of resistance.

“This horn comes from Korea” she replied “and perhaps you know that Koreans try to save space. This is no bigger than a matchbox, and even if you do not appreciate its melody, it comes with an attached pen drive driven mp3 player, a built-in clock that shows the time of any place in the world, an atmospheric pressure and temperature indicator and a seventy five function calculator in case you need to do some calculations along the way”

Given all those features, I was very happy to buy the horn.

“I feel you have a scientific bent of mind sir, how about a pulse and blood pressure measuring instrument? She said with a cool witty voice. “At your age, this is a must buy, you just have to attach a wire to your wrist”

“O.K. fine” I said. It is indeed a good idea to monitor our pulse and BP.

“I am sure you would use this cycle at night, so a solar powered head lamp too?

“Yes”

Slowly, I was being dominated by this lady, not giving me a chance to say no.

 "What about the weather," she asked

 It was a metaphorical question.

 "It's wonderful, a radiant day, today" she continued. "February in Vizag is wonderful, but come May and June, fries the brains of anyone lucky enough to have any. And you may get caught in a savage cyclone in October- November in the most desolate spot and return home with liters of water in your clothes and shoes."

It puzzled me, for a moment. Imagine what she says was right and I was caught unaware in a cyclone for days together.

She added, "On the threshold of the 21st century, would anyone who is not an idiot let himself get wet when there is this little device?" She smiled and held a kind of Lilliputian TV set in the palm of her hand. "It predicts changes in weather seventy two hours in advance and with zero margin of error."

"It also shows isobars and isohyets for India, gives you information on tides in the Bay of Bengal and has an ultrasonic system that scares away dogs and cows that lie in wait for cyclists on the roads."

 "What about mosquitoes and flies?"

“Of course sir, whenever a mosquito lands on you to have a pint of your blood, you just have to increase the frequency by turning this knob to drive it away.”

She noted this down even before I could say anything.

“I think, now you have a full fledged cycle sir, but may I suggest one very important thing?”

“What is it?”

‘A GPS sir, you know it can guide you to any place on this planet with ease. This award-winning MapmyIndia Navigator GPS device is loaded with India's best maps, satellite-based voice guided navigation, and complete entertainment and connectivity features, it will make your travel safe, convenient, smart and fun!”

I was still undecided and was deep in thought, but this lady took it as an affirmative and noted that down too.

Similarly a palm sized colour TV with a DTH connection, and which can be converted to a tablet with internet connection and an attached micro printer, scanner and photo copier, anti theft automatic locks, handle bar controls of almost all the attached devices, anti skid breaking system and in case of an accident an air bag were all added.

“How much will all this come to? I asked sheepily.

She fished out a calculator and said “Just Rupees 98,542/- sir” and got up to leave and get my cycle fixed.

At that point, I realized that I was conned, her sales technique has floored me. I reached a point of no return. My very purpose of coming here to buy a simple cycle out of utter disgust with all the modern appliances is lost. Here she is offering me a cycle with so many gadgets that would make an airline pilot baffled.

I was thinking for a way out of this jam. Seriously.

“Today is Shivratri sir, very auspicious to buy a cycle” she added with a glint in her eyes.

“Oh, yes, but are you offering any discounts for Shivratri sales?”

“No sir, but we are offering the caps of the tube valves absolutely free”

“What?” I shouted. “No discount, what the hell, the deal is off” and walked out as fast as I could, before that sweet lady could recompose herself.

Now, back at home I am surfing TV channels.