My stress busters

"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive."  - Lee Iacocca

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take It out on someone, don't take it out on someone you don't know, take it out on someone you know. So that is how you can see and enjoy the result.

I am writing this now because it makes me feel happy that I used this stress-buster on two Saikorians. It brings a chuckle on my face whenever I remember that.

I am daring to put it in the open now because one of them is out of Vizag now and by the time he returns, I will be out of Vizag, and the other has no interest in reading my blog. If by any chance they do get me, you will all know the result, because this will be my last post alive.

It was many years back; I was sitting at home, when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Ravi. Could I please speak with DS?"

 Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Wrong f*** ing number you idiot!” And the phone was slammed down so hard that my ear hurt.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down the correct number to call, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

Then a grand idea struck me that, just for the heck of it, I can have my revenge on one particular Saikorian. He is a good friend of mine, and even sent me a ‘friendship day’ greeting to me today. (let us call him DS) I decided to call him. When he answered the phone,

I yelled “You're a Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch**d !” and hung up. And ironically I derived a strange sense of relief and was instantly free of stress.

So, every time I needed to relieve my stress, or had a really bad day, I'd call DS and yell, “You're a Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch**d, Cho…..ya!” 

It always cheered me up. This went on for many years.

Those days, Caller ID was nonexistent and when Caller ID was introduced, I thought my stress- busting calls would have to stop.

So, I called DS one day and said, “Hi, this is from the telephone department. I'm calling to see if you require the Caller ID facility?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That's because you're a Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, Cho…..ya!” And hung up.

One day at a regular Saikorian meeting I had a tiff with another Saikorian, (let us call him Sekhar) why and how, I don’t remember now, but both of us were as mad with each other. That night, after the meeting, my car’s rear tyre was flat and I was sure it was he who did it.  

The next day, while I was passing by his home, observed that he had an old Fiat car, which had a “For Sale” sign at its back, so I wrote down his Number.

A couple of days later, right after calling DS (for stress release), I thought that I'd better call Sekhar, too.

I said, “Am I speaking to the owner of the black Fiat for sale?”

He said, “Yes, it is.”

I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?”

He said, “Yes, I live just behind the Krishna temple at Seethammadhara and the car’s parked right out in front.”

To make sure that he did not recognize me I asked, “What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Sekhar”

I said, “Listen, Sekhar, can I tell you something?” He said, “Yes?”

I said, “You're a Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, Cho…..ya!”

Then I hung up, now, whenever I had a problem, I had two stress busters to call.

Then I came up with another great idea. One day,

I first called DS. He said, “Hello.” 

I said, “You're a Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, Cho…..ya!”(But I didn't hang up.) I could hear his heavy breath on the phone. He was very angry.

He asked, “Are you still there?”
I said, “Yeah very much.”

He screamed, “Stop calling me you Bas****! You are making my life unbearable since so many years.” And He asked, “Who the bloody hell are you?”

I said, “My name is Sekhar”

He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?”

I said, “Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, I live just behind Krishna temple at Seethammadhara I have a black Fiat parked in front.”

He said, “I'm coming over right now, you bloody Bas**** I am going to kill you today.”

I said, “Yeah, like I'm really scared, Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, Cho…..ya” and hung up.

Then I called Sekhar.

He said, “Hello?”

I said, “Hello, Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, Cho…..ya.”

He was mad, yelled at the top of his voice “Grrrr... If I ever find out who you are...”

I said, “You'll do what?”

He exclaimed, “I'll kick your ass and break your bones, you bastard”

I answered, “Well, Son of a Bitch, Maddar* Ch***, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now. Don’t go anywhere if you are a man”

Then I hung up and immediately dialed 100 to call the police, saying that I lived just behind KrishnaTemple at Setammadhara, and that a local dada was on his way over to kill me.

I quickly got onto my car and headed over to Seetammadhara. I got there just in time to watch two Saikorians beating the crap out of each other.

NOW I feel much better.

Stress-Buster works.