Selective Amnesia

I opened my eyes from a deep slumber, breathing heavily, body drenched in sweat. I must have had a very bad dream, I told myself. But as my eyes slowly came into focus, an unknown fear gripped me.  I was in total confusion. For a moment, I thought that it was a continuation of my nightmare, but no, I was wide awake, but had no idea where I was. Where were the rest of the beds in the dormitory, my wooden cupboard? Why couldn't I hear our house master waking us up?

I jumped out of my bed, frantically looking around the room for something I recognized, some clues as to how I got there. Had I been kidnapped by some aliens, who put me in this unfamiliar place? It was an appalling feeling; there was nothing in the surroundings that I could even faintly recognize. Am I dead, is this life after death? I was trembling from head to toe.

 Cautiously, I walked out of that room into another, hoping after hope, to end my misery and find something I could recognize. I called out in fear, but the voice that resounded was not mine, it did not sound like mine. Totally disoriented and perplexed, I opened another door, which happened to be a bathroom. While the bathroom was very unfamiliar, I was shocked by what I saw in the mirror. A familiar but strange face stared back at me in the mirror. It was me, but fast forwarded many years, with graying hair, wrinkles in the face, dark circles under my eyes, which started welling up with tears.

It was the worst nightmare that anyone can experience. I remembered my teacher telling us of the experience of his uncle, who suddenly was totally paralyzed in his sleep and when he woke up, he could not move anything. The shock and the feeling of his helplessness, I thought was the worst thing that anyone can experience. But my condition was similar to that.  Suddenly, transposed into an alien environment, which, I cannot recognize.

Panic started to build up, I ran from one room to another looking for something I did not know what. Perhaps, what I was looking was for my friends returning from morning P.T like a pack of giggling monkeys. Each room surprised me. There were gadgets that I did not recognize. One had a table on which there was, what I thought was a miniature movie screen, and many wires connected to it, including a portion of a typing machine with only the keys. Another room had a larger movie screen and a long plastic stick, with many buttons resting on it. That room also had, what I thought was a telephone, without the usual circle dial with holes. It had only numbered buttons. The framed pictures on the walls were even more frightening, they were of someone I did not see in my life. A lady with two children, wryly smiling at the camera. One with the same person I saw in the mirror, with a lady and two children.

I was in a state of utter confounded fear. My brain cells might explode anytime. What perplexed me is the thought that, maybe, I was not in 1973 anymore, could I really have woken up in the future? God, please excuse me, of all the ills, that I committed, for all the trouble I gave to my house master and others.  I remembered that only recently, my house master cursed me saying: “You will one day repent for what you are doing now”. Is this God’s way of making me repent?

Please God, take me back to my school days. Let me be with my friends. I loved the smell of the morning dew, the smell of the ripening mangoes, and the smell of the sweat after a cross country race. To my friends, who shared my life since the age I did not know how to tie my shoe lace. To my teachers, who canned me and punished me because they loved me. To the ward boy, who taught us dedication to duty. To the barber, who used scissors instead of the machine for 50 paise. To the ice fruit wala, who always gave on credit. the grass cutters, and all the rest that made our life wonderful.

Amid the shock and utter disillusion, suddenly I heard a sound, it came from the telephone, and it was not the usual loud “tring, tring” but as a chirp of a bird. I picked it up. The voice at the other end was of an older man, not recognizable. Nevertheless, I started to sob and cry, I told him, that I don’t know where I was and who he was and what was happening to me. “If you are God, please help me go back to the old, golden days” I sobbed. I was sobbing uncontrollably into the phone for a very long time.

There was a knock on my door; I found two gentlemen, whom I did not recognize, both sporting neatly trimmed beards. Their reassuring faces made me believe that they have come to help.

“Who are you, please send me back to my school days” I pleaded.

Both of them looked at each other and seemed as confused as I was. One of them placed his hand on my shoulder and said “It is fine, Ravi, you will be O.K. soon”

Then I knew that they were not God’s emissaries, if they were they wouldn’t be as worried as they were.

One of them fished out a small black box from his pocket and punched some numbers. He was actually talking through it. He was asking for an appointment with someone.

“He said he will be here in ten minutes” he said to the other gentleman.

While we waited for that ‘someone’, they tried to start a conversation with me.

“Please, first tell me who you are” I pleaded.

“We are your friends, don’t you recognize us?” they said. “Do you want us to inform your family?”

It was not a good idea. My parents were quite far away and only recently they were called by our house master to report that I was caught smoking.

“No, not again” I said.

So, they saw no point in any meaningful conversation with me. One of them walked to the mini screen with a type writer and switched it on. It came to life. That made me even more confused.

That ‘someone’ had arrived; he was an elderly man in a white coat and carried a brief case. He settled in front of me.

“Hallo, I am Dr. Ramesh, how are you feeling?”

“I am in a wrong place; I cannot recognize anyone or anything here. I do not belong here. Please send me back to my school please” I pleaded.

He turned towards the two gentlemen.

“Hallo, I am Sekhar and he is D.S.Kumar, the patient is Ravi.” He introduced.

‘We had recently come back from the Golden jubilee celebrations of our school, and Ravi was very emotionally involved in it.”

“Oh! That’s it” the doctor said.

“He told us how he was transposed into being in school as a student in those two days spent there.”  Sekhar said.

“He even purchased the present day school dress with cap, heckle, stockings and all to wear on that day.” D.S.Kumar added.

The doctor turned to me and had a look of someone who solved a complex maths problem.

“There is nothing medically wrong with you Mr. Ravi, you are momentarily suffering from what is called selective amnesia, and it is called transient global amnesia (TGA), by which you lost all your memory of your life after you were 15 years old.” he said.

“It is because you wanted it to happen very badly, your brain has stopped producing enough Serotonin and there is this loss of memory. It can also be caused by severe emotional stress. This is purely temporary and you shall be alright if you have complete rest for some time.”

But I am only 15, and what emotional stress could I have, I thought to myself.

It was the first time, I saw my ‘friends’ smiling.

After the doctor had left, the two ‘friends’ have led me to my bed and I slept. I do not know for how long and when I woke up. Both Sekhar and DS were there alongside.

“Hi! Sekhar and DS, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Bastard, you snore like a pig” they said in unison.

Even now people, who came to know of this often, ask how I coped with the fear and uncertainty, remarking what an awful thing to have happened to me. But as scary as it was, I thank God for giving me the privilege to see the world through different eyes, 15-year-old eyes. I relived the best part of my life.