Maria

New Delhi: April 1 2010

Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi, the youngest Prime minister ever in India has called for a cabinet meeting. The meeting is chaired by the Congress president Mrs. Sonia Gandhi. The meeting was delayed for 15 minutes because our Deputy Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi and her husband, the Defense Minister Robert Vadhera had to drop their children in their uncle Quotrochi’s house.

This was a very important meeting and the media in a couple of hundreds are waiting to capture the result or the outcome of the meeting.

Sonia Gandhi, who is chairing the meeting, welcomed her family (read ministers) and informed of the latest brief from the President of the USA. It was an ultimatum from the US president; she had said in no mean words that if India did not comply, they would take back all our nuclear reactors they supplied a few years back.

The President of the USA said in an interview to MY India channel in Washington that according to the 567 agreement with India, India is bound to allow The United States, full access to them to mine any where in our country. She backed up her strong speech with satellite pictures from NASA, about the availability of a rare mineral named ‘mariya’ (named after Priyanka’s daughter as suggested by the Governor of Nagaland and a staunch follower of the Gandhi family Mr. Y.S Rajashekar Reddy)

Mariya is abundantly available in Andhra Pradesh, Chitoor district.

Sonia Gandhi had made a very strong point that if we decide to go against the dictates of the USA, and that country would take stringent action against us and we might not have any power to run our air conditioners in Delhi and her poor children and grand children will have to shift to Italy.

“I would prefer to go to Checkoslovia with my girl friend” said Rahul Gandhi.

There was a loud shout of disapproval from the meeting; one of the ministers from Andhra Pradesh was so agitated at the thought of the Gandhi family leaving India that he threatened to immolate himself in the Parliament.

But Sonia, Rahul and Priyanka stood firm, they repeated that if they go against the dictates of the US president, they are leaving India.

There was near pandemonium in the meeting for about an hour, with almost all ministers beating their chests and some prostrating in front of Sonia pleading them not to leave.

Finally, Mr. Man Mohan Singh, the chief negotiator of the 567 agreement with the USA has managed to bring some order in the meeting.

For the sake of our great country and to avoid the chaos that would follow if the first family leaves the country it was decided unanimously that they will stand by whatever ‘Madam’ decides.

The meeting has thus concluded and the cabinet ministers walked out one by one, all of them seemed to be very satisfied with the outcome.

“India is Sonia, Sonia is India” shouted one of them to the waiting media.

“Rahul- the light of India” shouted another.

“Priyanka- the shine of India” said yet another.

Finally, the media surged forward with cameras clicking, microphones butting towards our Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi for a brief.

“Well” Rahul cleared his throat and started.

“All of you know that we have just concluded a very important meeting, in which matters of national importance have been discussed. My family, since our great great grand fathers have sacrificed their lives for the country. Now, our great Nation is in a critical juncture. We have to take some important decisions for making our country greater and for the well being of our common-man, we have to make some sacrifices.”

There was total silence, in anticipation of the next. A black-cat commando ruffled his feet while glaring from behind his ray-ban glasses.

“The President of the United states has shown keen interest in mining for a rare mineral ‘mariya’, which is abundantly available in Chitoor district of Andhra Pradesh. With the perspective of the 567 agreement concluded with the USA after prolonged discussions by many eminent technocrats, of course with the guidance of my mother Soniaji. We are bound to offer them the site chosen by them for mining purpose. This will take our friendship and mutual trade with the USA to a higher level. It is essential to recall that the July 18 Statement was not about our strategic programme. It was intended to be the means to expand our trade and thereby to help pave the way for faster economic progress. In seeking to achieve this objective, we appreciate the need for patience to remove any misperceptions that abound. Not to mention the benefit to the common-man and to uphold the spirit of secularism in our great country, we have decided to offer the THIRUMALA HILLS to the USA for mining of mariya.”

“Long live the light of India” shouted someone from behind the security cordon.

There was a stunned buzz amongst the media. The silence was ear-blowing.

Finally one of them took the courage to ask. “But sir, The Venkatam hill is believed to be a part of the celestial mount Meru brought to the earth from Vaikuntam by Garuda (Lord's vehicle), say the puranas. The Hills are said to be a manifestation of Adi Sesha (the cosmic serpent).The seven hills of the Tirumala are the said to represent the seven hoods of Adi Sesha.”

“I agree with you, but it is only a belief, it has no scientific proof. Our government had constituted a team of eminent scholars and scientists to study and submit a report of the proof of existence of Lord Venkateshwara.” Rahul said.

“Here, I have a 500 page report submitted by that team after extensive research and scientific study. It claims that there is no proof of the existence of the Lord. There is not a single point to show that the belief of the majority community is right. This report has gone deep in its study but could not establish the fact that Goddess Lakshmi had a quarrel with Lord Vishnu, which ultimately made the Lord to settle in Tirumala,”

"Unlike other parties, Congress takes solid, concrete steps in public interest for the good of the nation while respecting personal beliefs and sentiments and for upholding the spirit of secularism."

“This line of thinking is well supported by eminent politicians like Kalaingar, Muthamizh Kavingar Dr.Karunanidhi, the chief minister of Tamil Nadu, who is unfortunately on his death bed in Apollo hospital, Chennai; I wish him many more years as Chief Minister.”

“Thank you gentlemen; I have already kept the secretary of state Mrs.Curry waiting for a long time to sign the agreement. Good Bye and Good day- Jai Hind.”