Modern Saikorian

It was a cold winter morning. I was awakened by a jingling mobile phone beside my bed. The tune says “Hey Abba, Hey Abba” and it is continuing to ring when my neighbour puts it off and goes back to sleep. I too activated my alarm at 5.30 A.M on my mobile, but his time was a minute faster, so I too went back to sleep not to loose that time. Then my phone alarm went off. It was very loud and it can be heard all over the dormitory. The Tune for the Alarm is “Saikors is a wonderful place, but it is now time for P.T.”

I can see many of my friends groaning and one of them shouted “Stop that bloody thing”. But I am neatly tucked in my bed sheet and trying to take that extra wink. Someone walked up and put my alarm off. Thank you. I pulled myself up and dialed speed dial 1 to my buddy from 8^th class. “Where is my tea” I shouted.

A plastic mug full of piping hot tea is presented and I start to sip. My lap top is still on, downloading some movie. I open it and see that I have 5 messages pending. But before I read any of them, today I am not in a mood to go for PT, so I send an email to our house master and I even did not miss to attach an old photo of mine in bandages. I was sure, he would be convinced.

Now I have a little more time and so I started to open my mails.

The first is from my Physics teacher, it was a reminder that I have to submit his home work on ‘Elementary concepts of differentiation and integration for describing motion.’ And in bold letters he wrote that he shall not grant any further extension for the due date.

Oh! Yeah, I had already submitted a request in homework.com, I am sure some one would have completed it by now and I just have to ask my cousin in Ujbekisthan to transfer the amount and viola. I can download it. Or to make it simple, I will have to hack into C.N.Reddy’s account and copy his work.

The second mail was about a “Nancy”, who it said lives very near to me and wants to make friends with me. Oh no! My past experiences of how, it finally turned out to be the same grass-cutter who went into the bushes with Mali Ramu. So I kept away.

The third mail is from our Subedar Ranjit Singh. It said that I have to be present at 3.P.M for extra parade. Dressed in NCC attire. And I have to report at the NCC office 15 minutes in advance to collect the .303 rifles and haver-sacks filled with bricks. He even mentioned that I should bring my pen-drive with me to copy all the punishments I have to endure.

Oh shit, but what did I do for this punishment? This is gross injustice. Someone (read house master) is trying to take revenge on me. This cannot be tolerated. So, I immediately go to ‘Pettition.com’ and lodge a complaint. I even send a CC to the Principal, Headmaster and I did not forget to send one to my Dad also.

Just then my message pending icon starts flashing. I open it and it is from my House master, who rejects my claim for bunking P.T and he added that he observed me last night jumping over the fence and so he was sure of my good health. He even added that this is my 16^th time I am trying to escape P.T without any convincing reason and threatened to put my mail in ‘spam’ so that he need not read it at all in the future.

Oh No, this is not my day I thought. My message icon is flashing again. I have 3 pending messages.

The first is from the Principal, which said that my petition will be looked into soon. Thank you Princi, I love you. But to my surprise, he added that if my petition is found to be cranky or fictitious, he would instruct Subedar Ranjit Singh to increase the difficulty level in the extra parade.

The second is from my Dad. He almost shouted “Shut up and obey the school orders”

Wah! Dad is this the way to support a saikorian son? You don’t seem to understand how difficult it is to attend PT. You must be sipping hot coffee at home. Cool.

The third mail is from my House master. It said that my petition was routed through proper channel to him to investigate and report. He mentioned that it was he who put me for extra-parade today. It is because I had accessed IP no 102……. At 11.34 PM last night and that IP address is of a site about “Hot pxxxxxx”.

And that is not all, he replied to all including my Dad.

Oh No, Oh No this School stinks. What will my Dad think of me?

With drooping shoulders I wear my Adidas Green shorts of Gupta house and Nike shoes and drag myself to the Air conditioned Golden Jubilee Sports Complex for P.T.