Hyderabadi

This is a forward from a mail received from D.S.Kumar(794)

This is one of the classiest Hyderabadi joke you may ever come across..... It's an old Hyderabadi nugget...  Enjoy this, it is really funny if u know Hyderabadi slang!

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny.  His name is Chotu.  His father is ambitious to educate Chotu. Chotu goes to school located in Tappachabutra. Its  principal  is educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class!

There  is  a  school  inspection  the  next  day and the conversation is as follows:

Teacher:   "Kal  inispector  ayinga.  Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga.  Sab achchaa  padkey  aau.   Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoon."

Chotu:   "Iski maakki. Kyun aara kathe inispector?  Kaam nai hai usku?  Kya kochchanaa puchta kathey?"

Teacher:   "Abey  tereku  kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola  to  gaaliaan  nikaltay.  Tereku  main  absent nai daalthaun. Ghar pe baithkey  gotiyaan  khel.  Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu."

So  our  Chotu  is  excited,  goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.

Father:   "Yeah  kyaa  hai..ischool hai paan dabba hai?  Gaand pay maartoon saale tu ischool nai gaya to!"

Chotu:  "Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke."

Father:   "Usku  akhal  hai?   Begum suno! Chotu ischool nai jayinga kathey kal.   Agar  ino  ischool  nai  gaya to kaise padhinga?  Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaun."

So  Chotu cries and finally agrees to go to school. Next day at school, the teacher is very upset to see Chotu back.

Teacher:  "Arey teri maakki.  Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?"

Chotu:  "Mera bava gaand phodaaltun bole ischool nai gaya to."

Teacher:   "Offo!  Tera bava bole?  Theek hai chal, Last bench pe baith aur inispector  aya  to chhup jaa... Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri gaand lag jayingi."

So Chotu goes and sits on the last bench hiding behind a tall guy.

Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector:  "Adaab."

Teacher:   "Adaab  saab.  Bachen  acha  padrain  saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte."

Inspector:    "Abaa?  Offo!  Ithney  kilever(clever)  hai  aapke  bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal - Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?"

Teacher:  "Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!"

Imtiyaz:  "Saab, Kaleja saab."

Inspector:  "Aisa? ...... woh kyun re?"

Imtiyaz:   "Saab,  kaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar who gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab!"

Inspector:  "Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey!  Aur koi?"

Teacher:  "Arey Akram, tu bata re."

Akram:   "Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab.  Haathaan  pairaan  kaam  nai  karthey, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab."

Inspector:   "Abey  Teacher,  kya  kya  padaaraa  re inku tu.  Chootiyon ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!"

In  the  meantime Chotu is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks Chotu is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector:   "Woh  last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?"

Teacher:   "Kaun  saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Who Chotu hai saab."

Inspector:   "Chotu?  Ye  kya  naam  hai?  Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chup raa tu?"

Chotu:  "Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringa saab."

Inspector:  "Tereku yaa mereku??"

Teacher:   "Arey  kya  baath  kar  reh saab, main kaiku maarthum aapku.  Ye potta  ekdam  badmaash  hai  saab, jhoot bolraa.  Abey Chotu, answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere paavan padthum."

Chotu:  "Saab answer Gaand hai saab."

Teacher:  "Allah!! Ino moo khola to meri gaand lag gayi re!!!"

Inspector:   "Abey kyaa tobhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan  karthey!  Yeich  sikhaaye  tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaa answer hai re?"

Chotu:   "Hau saab, gaandich sabse naazook cheez hai.  Kaiku boletho wahaan pe  dilli  mein  bam  phata,  to yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat thi... Yahaan  old  city  mein  gadbadaan shuru hothey, wahaan new city mein sabki gaand  phat  thi...  Uttaa  kyoon  saab,  main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatrai dekho!"